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Clean Politics > Published by Alex Hern, October 26th 2011 at 5:00 pm

Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right)

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The protestors currently occupying St Paul’s church yard and Finsbury Square have, predictably, come under fire.

St-Pauls-Occupy-London-protestsUnlike previous protests, however, the normal targets are conspicuous by their absence: the protests have been overwhelmingly non-violent, barring heavy-handed policing on the first night, the black bloc have steered clear, and there’s even a paucity of bongos on site.

Without their traditional scapegoats, the right-wing press, which is so eager to discredit the movement, has had to stretch rather too far.

So Left Foot Forward proudly presents the top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right).

1. You drink coffee from Starbucks

Louise Mensch, on Have I Got News For You, attempted to claim that the fact that protestors were drinking coffee from Starbucks and using iPhones meant that they didn’t have the right to complain about the effects of capitalism.

Ian Hislop and Paul Merton did a fantastic job tearing apart that claim, which you can watch in the clip below:

If a protestor cannot use an iPhone because it is made by a capitalist corporation, then an ardent small-government conservative like Louise Mensch should be just as against them; after all, nearly every technology that makes it possible was created due to state funded research by universities, the military, and even NASA – does she think Apple used an iRocket to put GPS satellites in space?

The fact is, we live in a mixed economy, where state and business interact, and where it is impossible to survive without interacting with both. Admirable as self-sufficient hermits may be, for the vast majority of us, there is no opt-out from this economy. Using the products of capitalism does not disqualify you from criticising its effects.

2. You accept the London Fire Brigade’s advice on safety

In an attempt to calm the police on the first night, the canon of St Pauls, Giles Fraser, intially welcomed the protestors, saying:

“I’ve seen what is going on and it seems to be that there doesn’t need police force in the numbers that there have been, so I have asked them to move and they have done. All is well and there is a very calm atmosphere”.

A couple of days later, however, he was overruled by the Dean and Chapter of the church, who released a statement saying:

With a heavy heart I have to tell you that St Paul’s Cathedral has to be closed today until further notice, because of the legal requirements placed upon us by fire, health and safety issues.

The occupiers were left rather confused by this request, since they’d been told they were safe:

This afternoon we have been told, in a telephone call, by the fire brigade, that they have not issued any new requirements above and beyond those already communicated directly to the camp. Therefore, there are no outstanding fire safety issues. [...]

We have been advised by Health and Safety Manager Rachel Sambal that the City of London’s Health and Safety Team have had no contact with St Paul’s Cathedral regarding health and safety issues at the site.

So apparently camps set up by protestors must be safer than the standards required by the fire brigade and professional health and safety managers, or they should pack up and go home. It appears the Nazis pursued the wrong tactic. Rather than wasting money on bombs, they should have just set up some tents outside the cathedral.

3. You aren’t in bed by 11:12 pm

The Times and Telegraph ran stories yesterday claiming that nine in ten tents were empty at occupy London. By the time they went to press for today’s papers, that claim would no longer fly; not only can you not tell if a tent is occupied with an IR camera, their only source was rapidly recanting his words:

A local councillor quoted in the reports said he had been told about the thermal camera by a City of London officer [City of London police denied being the source to Left Foot Forward] on Monday, but admitted he had not been able to verify the “second-hand” information.

Despite their evidence disappearing into thin air, the Times clearly felt that they had a story on their hands, leading them to run with this front page:

Times-front-page-St-Pauls-Cathedral-protest
Apparently if you aren’t in bed by 11, you are basically not living where you say you are. Not only does this image not actually show that the other tents are empty – rather, it shows that one tent is being heated – it wouldn’t be surprising if they were. It may be news to the Times, but people are often out and about at 11:12pm.

4. You have a job

The criticism the Mail made when repeating the claim that tents are unoccupied was that many people involved are “part-time protestors”; people who pop along for an hour or so after work, then go home for a wash and a sleep in the evening. Quite why this renders their protest insincere is unclear, but only marginally less unclear than their final criticism.

5. You don’t have a job

No matter what your employment status is, it will be used against you.

If you are unemployed, you are clearly a “professional protestor”, only interested in making trouble, and so your concerns should be ignored because you aren’t capable of having a “grown-up” political conversation. If you are employed, you are a “part time protestor”, and your heart isn’t really in it; because you leave the camp occasionally, you are not really “occupying” anywhere, and should be ignored.

Maybe it is time to stop attacking the protesters for silly side-issues, and start dealing with their concerns. Hundreds of people are camping in London to express legitimate grievances with the state of global capitalism today; maybe it is time we started listening to them.

See also:

• Protesters demand resignation of HMRC boss for colluding with tax avoiders – Shamik Das, October 24th 2011

• The “occupy” protests come to the City this Saturday – Shamik Das, October 12th 2011

• UK Uncut: Stop the traffic to stop the NHS being run over – Tim Holmes, October 7th 2011

• Are “Occupy Threadneedle Street” protests on the way? – Shamik Das, September 19th 2011

• Anti-cuts networks are more flexible and effective than big organisations – Aaron Peters, November 30th 2010

  • http://twitter.com/aaronings/status/129326886441582593 Aaron Stebbings

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/dxe6oFwq

  • http://twitter.com/mog666/status/129327938834411521 Morgan Dalton

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/dxe6oFwq

  • http://twitter.com/hlcheathrow/status/129333898088939521 Jon Purdom/Paco Saez

    Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/SVmn0TBN

  • http://twitter.com/sammorecroft/status/129334612571865089 Sam Morecroft

    Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/SVmn0TBN

  • http://twitter.com/edwardclarke/status/129345030795177984 Edward Clarke

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/a5ziT2Rp

  • http://twitter.com/spsot/status/129357553804115969 Spir.Sotiropoulou

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/7x2Dv4qH (thanks to @edwardclarke )

  • http://twitter.com/a_y_alex/status/129364601790930944 Alex

    Via @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest http://t.co/WA03srSc

  • http://twitter.com/unitonehifi/status/129390553686216704 chris star

    Maybe it is time to stop attacking protesters for silly side-issues, and start dealing with their concerns..
    http://t.co/benjFEId
    #Occupylsx

  • http://twitter.com/violentvomit/status/129391641340555265 Violent Vomit

    Maybe it is time to stop attacking protesters for silly side-issues, and start dealing with their concerns..
    http://t.co/benjFEId
    #Occupylsx

  • http://twitter.com/jeffreynewman/status/129411771470577664 Jeffrey Newman

    Maybe it is time to stop attacking protesters for silly side-issues, and start dealing with their concerns..
    http://t.co/benjFEId
    #Occupylsx

  • http://twitter.com/jamesmills1984/status/129481996622766080 James Mills

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/s6T2HG6j

  • http://twitter.com/primevalmudd/status/129488265765072897 Dave Plummer

    . @giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only four right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/dk2cFnBB

  • http://twitter.com/setalyas/status/129488723174899712 Seta

    lolz RT @leftfootfwd: @giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only four right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/W0WDIthi

  • http://twitter.com/coliboo/status/129491087474688000 Colette Booth

    . @giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only four right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/dk2cFnBB

  • http://twitter.com/coliboo/status/129491222564847616 Colette Booth

    “@leftfootfwd:@giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only 4 right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/lyydMtnB <brilliant

  • http://twitter.com/annaelizabeth_m/status/129492851066286081 Anna Martindale

    lolz RT @leftfootfwd: @giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only four right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/W0WDIthi

  • http://twitter.com/shamikdas/status/129493046340497408 Shamik Das

    RT @leftfootfwd: @giles_fraser quits, St Pauls reopens; only 4 rite-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX http://t.co/17PKMNKS by @AlexHern

  • http://twitter.com/bethkrs/status/129495605939675138 Beth Stevens

    . @giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only four right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/dk2cFnBB

  • http://twitter.com/tangent69/status/129500748823281664 Graham Allport

    Take the right wing press with a large pinch of salt…RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest http://t.co/7aqel5n8

  • http://twitter.com/alexhern/status/129502402691870720 Alex Hern

    .@timothyjmoore Now that St Paul's going to reopen, only four right-wing arguments are left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/3TMk5NR0

  • http://twitter.com/mlhs_postnote/status/129507131274698752 Louise H-S

    . @giles_fraser resigns, St Paul's reopens; only four right-wing arguments left against @OccupyLSX: http://t.co/dk2cFnBB

  • http://twitter.com/somoeh/status/129511072548921344 Somoe

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/s6T2HG6j

  • http://twitter.com/leechalmers/status/129514129571590145 Lee Chalmers

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TPSUS2GL

  • http://twitter.com/ciphergoth/status/129515671104139264 Paul Crowley

    Protesters who have jobs don't have legitimacy. Also protesters who don't have jobs. Or who drink coffee. http://t.co/vOpbfLk8

  • http://twitter.com/paul_trembath/status/129517851311738881 Paul Trembath

    Protesters who have jobs don't have legitimacy. Also protesters who don't have jobs. Or who drink coffee. http://t.co/vOpbfLk8

  • http://twitter.com/nanayasleeps/status/129518568856485888 Gods & Monsters

    Protesters who have jobs don't have legitimacy. Also protesters who don't have jobs. Or who drink coffee. http://t.co/vOpbfLk8

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/the-mails-rent-a-rev-called-for-gays-to-be-tattooed-with-health-warnings/ The Mail’s rent-a-rev called for gays to be tattooed with health warnings. | Left Foot Forward

    [...] also: • Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) – Alex Hern, October 26th [...]

  • http://twitter.com/nemesisrepublic/status/129701981739696129 Nemesis Republic

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TRccnV7U

  • http://twitter.com/puffles2010/status/129703948566278144 The Dragon Fairy

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TRccnV7U

  • http://twitter.com/penguingalaxy/status/129704491640557568 Alice Sheppard

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TRccnV7U

  • http://twitter.com/greebo1/status/129704807266136065 Cheese

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TRccnV7U

  • http://twitter.com/dhartery/status/129705075114385408 David Hartery

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TRccnV7U

  • http://twitter.com/arsey/status/129708832426430464 Robin CGM

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/TRccnV7U

  • http://twitter.com/jasonmendelli/status/129711454629793792 Jason Mendelli

    Right wing attempts to rubbish #OccupyLSX are really rather pathetic http://t.co/ABCf3ea7 via @shamikdas #ows

  • http://twitter.com/spdby/status/129714638450470914 Spudboy

    Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) | Left Foot Forward http://t.co/Qr761uLS

  • http://twitter.com/samuelpalin/status/129717282787176448 Samuel Palin

    I'm truly ambivalent about #olsx, but @leftfootfwd have done a good job roasting some oft-heard objections here: http://t.co/mGBLuhVD

  • http://twitter.com/carmenego/status/129797425702510592 Carmen D’Cruz

    RT @PenguinGalaxy: RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/IPLRaVXk

  • http://twitter.com/tracy4rushmere/status/129825242842546176 Tracy Grant

    Q on St Paul's #OccupyLondon protest on #bbcqt; here r some of the craaaaaazy right-wing arguments against them: http://t.co/17PKMNKS

  • http://twitter.com/kruzifixnomal/status/129834270280781824 SOL Invictus

    Right wing attempts to rubbish #OccupyLSX are really rather pathetic http://t.co/ABCf3ea7 via @shamikdas #ows

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/ftse-directors-pay-rockets-50-per-cent/ All in it together, eh Gideon? FTSE fat cats see pay rocket 50 per cent | Left Foot Forward

    [...] also: • Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) – Alex Hern, October 26th [...]

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/occupy-london-needs-to-catalyse-a-new-left/ Occupy London needs to catalyse a new Left | Left Foot Forward

    [...] Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) – Alex Hern, October 26th [...]

  • http://twitter.com/stellar190/status/129872171542659074 Hannah H

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/yRR2I0Z4

  • http://twitter.com/damonmercy/status/129875405019676672 Tinker

    Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/V8Fi1gAt #occupy #ows

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/as-top-pay-soars-the-99-per-cent-are-left-behind/ As top pay soars, the 99% are left behind | Left Foot Forward

    [...] Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) – Alex Hern, October 26th [...]

  • http://twitter.com/jenniferlavery/status/129907418393096192 Jen Lavery

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/jo_caulfield/status/129942240087904257 Jo Caulfield

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/scribblebags/status/129942596322721795 barry leary

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/keewa/status/129944158604492800 Oliver Kealey

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/jabberwocky90/status/129945110816358401 Duckface

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/angelfire_36ff/status/129950689798529025 Bella Francesca

    RT @Jo_Caulfield RT @JenniferLavery Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/DYGf28vQ

  • http://twitter.com/andyh2o/status/129953278086746112 Andrew Horne

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/look-left-%e2%80%93-cameron%e2%80%99s-euroscepticism-comes-home-to-roost/ Look Left – Cameron’s Euroscepticism comes home to roost | Left Foot Forward

    [...] Tory rent-a-gob Louise Mensch, who made a complete fool of herself on Have I Got News For You last Friday by saying the protesters camped outside St Paul’s foregoed the right to protest because they drank Starbucks coffee or used iPhones. A ridiculous claim torn to shreds by Ian Hislop, Paul Merton and Danny Baker, as you’ll see by watching the clip here. [...]

  • http://twitter.com/collettecowie/status/130004878234886144 Collette Cowie

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/jeninateacup/status/130024817456975873 J. C. Hoskins

    RT @JenniferLavery Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/ebPlTmTR

  • http://twitter.com/markgsongs/status/130166356220985344 MarkG

    Well worth a read – top five reasons why you can't protest (according to the right) http://t.co/LC7RqMlC

  • http://twitter.com/dianelawrence1/status/130262288526622720 Diane Lawrence

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/Yooy0ia2

  • http://twitter.com/warelane/status/130359739736539136 Julian Ware-Lane

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/CQRCmJdJ

  • http://twitter.com/samtarry/status/130362484400996353 Samuel Tarry

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/tm0cb3FP

  • http://twitter.com/andyjameshicks/status/130362587685720065 Andy Hicks

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/tm0cb3FP

  • http://twitter.com/michaelh14/status/130363398583099393 Michael H.

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/tm0cb3FP

  • http://twitter.com/jhepplestone/status/130365097171353601 James Hepplestone

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/tm0cb3FP

  • http://twitter.com/chilipickle/status/130372830738137088 J____

    You don't have to want to return to a barter system in the stone age to complain about the financial crisis. http://t.co/fdAMYXf5

  • http://twitter.com/simplecarrot/status/130412829869219841 eirlys dafydd

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/doTfDyqv

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/the-privatisation-of-public-space-is-harming-our-ability-to-protest/ The privatisation of public space is harming our right to protest | Left Foot Forward

    [...] this would hardly have resulted in fewer complaints (as we have seen, some people will find any excuse to condemn a protest) it may have made it easier for Occupy London to gain support in those crucial [...]

  • http://twitter.com/rosiejanele/status/130964314193526786 Jane Leach

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/Oetaz2Ox

  • http://twitter.com/fyrdraca67/status/130967020761133056 mark

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/Oetaz2Ox

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/10/the-movement-to-evict-occupy-london-gains-pace/ The movement to evict Occupy London gains pace | Left Foot Forward

    [...] Hardy presented on the News Quiz on Friday what will surely become the absolute last word on the idiotic claims of Louise Mensch. It is a minute long, and you can listen below: Jeremy Hardy on the News Quiz [...]

  • http://twitter.com/digitalben/status/131022245064740864 ben ssssss
  • http://twitter.com/romandavid/status/131029842207580162 Benjamin Perkins

    (the HIGNFY clip with Hislop/Merton vs. Louise Mensch is wonderful) RT @digitalben: http://t.co/TXUQegLh

  • http://twitter.com/cuchulaindundee/status/131052263547482112 Alan Cowan

    Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) | Left Foot Forward http://t.co/uPWzJ6FW

  • http://twitter.com/bbflint/status/131093610329415680 BobbyFlint
  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/11/how-we-sold-off-the-right-to-protest-to-the-one-per-cent/ How we sold off the right to protest to the one per cent | Left Foot Forward

    [...] Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) – Alex Hern, October 26th [...]

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2012/01/work-will-get-more-dangerous-and-more-difficult-this-year/ Work will get more dangerous and more difficult this year | Left Foot Forward

    [...] also: • Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) - Alex Hern, October 26th [...]

  • http://twitter.com/imogenradford/status/155339980301017088 Imogen Radford

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/h8P7bs8h

  • http://twitter.com/billyunite/status/155702086024167424 Billy Donohoe

    RT @leftfootfwd: Top five reasons why you can’t protest (according to the right) http://t.co/1oNNt061

  • http://www.leftfootforward.org/2011/11/occupy-london-time-to-seek-solutions-to-protests-not-problems/ Seek solutions to protests, not problems | Left Foot Forward

    [...] what has been most significant is perhaps the establishment’s opposition to peaceful protest. This continues to be framed in the guise of “of course I support the right [...]